Why can’t I think as clearly as some people? Some days (mostly in 2012’s school year) I feel like I have ADD when it came to my thought process. Like for instance, sometimes I can’t hold a thought for longer than like a minute before my mental dialogue changes to something that’s the polar opposite of what I was just thinking about, and then I forget completely about what I was just thinking about. It kind of makes writing hard too. With blogging it’s not as hard (well sometimes it is, I’ll get to that in a second, if I can remember it while I type this other thing). When writing actual stories and books, I feel like my situation gets even harder. I have fairly little trouble with brainstorming, but, by the time I get my one idea and situation for a book typed out, I forget another thing that had popped in my head while I was writing. It’s also hard because it’s hard to focus on a long term project when you start to have new ideas about other projects you could be doing. What does that leave me with? you might ask. Well, it leaves me with like 5 started projects in the time I would wish to complete one. Then, the projects keep piling on, and I end up not finishing. Okay, so now I’ve forgotten what I was going to tell you…
Ah, yes! As I was saying; Blogging isn’t as difficult, because (drum roll please……)……. it’s shorter. I’ve also gotten fairly accustomed to typing out most of my inner dialogue as fast as it comes to mind (taking small breaks to somewhat edit out the ramble). That’s not what I was going for quite yet though, I still also have problems when blogging, because I like to go off on little tangents. The way that I think is like driving off the road so many times, and getting back as fast as you can, it takes some time; or it leaves you stuck. It leaves me stuck with, “What was I thinking? Was I actually getting at something? Focus… okay, now what was it?… hmm… *type type type* finished, okay, now time to post…. *posted* crap! that wasn’t my point at all.”
It makes me sad though, it really does, because I like blogging, but its like my mind is on this hamster wheel as it started spinning it way to fast. My fingers are just that terrified little hamster who is trying to stay on the wheel and keep up. Then, when I get into the ADD tendencies, I have all of these ideas, and blogging just turbo fires my thinking. By the end of it though, I rarely remember more than like one or two of my ideas.
Topics coming up: writing and styles of it (Lucas from one tree hill) and IPhone auto correct (I am too accustomed).
Now I remember the point. Okay, so if these ADD actions are actually ADD, it’s just a slight problem, because I still can do well in school. Like it doesn’t stop me from staying focused on learning as much as it could, because I try to diligently be paying attention. It’s hard sometimes though, because I wonder “Well, what if I have ADD and got medication?” and then that scares me. I’m not saying the medication does, or even that I would need it if I do, but the thought of what medication designed for that problem does (or at least how it’s described). It scares me because I fear loosing this hyperactive thinking, because it keeps me entertained. I wouldn’t necessarily wan’t to have more focused though patterns, because I like the randomness of life. The only drawback, is that it’s hard to pay attention to some things though. Other than that, I wouldn’t trade this brain for any other.