Just years later

You never know what can happen just years later. Today I was watching my current favorite show that I’ve been binge watching for the last 5 months, FRIENDS. its an entertaining show and I would recommend you all check it out on netflix, but anyway, there was something brought up during the show that got me thinking. One of characters was mourning a failed relationship that had ended 6 years ago. It made me think about the possibilities of the future, but also how the past is so relevant to some people. I guess you could say this character was living in the past, and that they can’t forget about that thing that they lost. It made me think about my dog oddly enough, who passed away just a few years ago. There’s almost this built in remorse for getting a new dog once your first one has died, it feels like he would be looking at me as his angel self, just feeling betrayed. I think that’s the strange conflict with mourning something that’s lost; you either can’t get over it, or you don’t know if you should. Obviously I won’t get over the death of my dog, but I have come to grips with it, and I try to remember him to keep his soul living on. It must be very hard for people who lose their spouses and feel guilty about moving on, or even daring to spend time with someone as much as they used to spend time with their spouse, or to feel as good, or maybe even better, about spending time with the new person. I wouldn’t know because I’ve never been in that situation, but I feel as though it would be very hard. Anyway, I want a new dog, but not every dog is the same. The new dog will certainly not be like my old dog. I could hope that it would be, but I know it won’t. The new dog wouldn’t have been there with my preteen self, soaking up my tears as I learn for the first time that death of your favorite animals is inevitable, and sometimes multiple vet visits can’t save them. The new dog will not have sparked my mind to imagine him as the stallion of the cimeran (spirit, the movie) galloping to his post to watch his herd, as I saw him run quickly on our lush green grass and just stop suddenly to stare intently at something. That may not make sense to you all, but I can remember it vividly. Such a proud, strongly ignorant puppy that killed a bee one day on our back deck.

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