kisses are just the beginning (another story AKA this is just a character, not a real-life story of mine)

When you’re young, you think that your first kiss will be everything. I remember day-dreaming in third period about my first kiss. I wanted it to be with this cute guy that sat a row behind me. That is, until my face broke-out with acne and I had the self-esteem as– … well let’s just say I had low self-esteem in middle school. It wasn’t until I was a freshman in high school that it happened. On that fateful night I was at a varsity football game, JV just seemed to point out the fact that I was young, so I went to varsity games to watch the younger varsity players. I was a science geek though, so I didn’t have many chances with the jocks of the school. Little did I know how little these titles would mean as I got older. At the time, it felt like the end-all-be-all. You were either someone, or no one, there wasn’t much of an in-between. Regardless of my luck with the athletically gifted, my first kiss did occur at a football game. I went with a bunch of friends from my science class, and there was this one brunette with glasses. Needless to say, he wasn’t that guy that would sit a row behind me in middle school. No, this boy sat in the same row as me, in the front of the class. This boy and I had been talking for a few months, and it was clear that we liked each other. Well, it was clear if you were not either of us two. We legitimately had no clue.

My first kiss:

Scene- the football field track, the players have just left the field.

My crush and I were hiding in the bushes. We both shared curiosity of what the field would be like after everyone left. So, we decided to do a stake out. My mom thought I was at my friend Jenny’s house for a sleepover after the game. Jeff, my crush, was who I was actually with, but Jenny’s house was through the woods, so I was going to go there afterward. Anyway, back to the kiss. My crush and I had been building up tension, walking slower, talking slower. We basically were slowed down to half-speed for any bodily function– I’m not sure, but I think my heart was even beating slower– or faster, maybe it was the only odd one out. “so, I don’t know how to tell you this, but–” before I could speak anymore, he grabbed my hand. I stopped, and he looked into my eyes. He pulled me in, and we kissed. It was awkward and fumblingly moving our mouths (mimicking what we saw in the movies), and neither of us had a clue what we were doing. Our arms were moving, but not really going anywhere. He pulled me closer, causing my balance to be thrown off– but I didn’t care. I was kissing another person… my lips were touching somebody else’s lips. To me, that was surreal. I didn’t know how to process it. We went on to date for two months.. I ended it.

Next stop, sophomore in high school. I realized I didn’t like science anymore, at least not as much as makeup, cheerleader, and boys. I know, I know. High school cliche… should’ve stuck with something more academic. I was sixteen at this point, cut me some slack. I was now the girl version of a jock. My hair was long and smooth, my acne had been under control a bit more, and I grew into my body. Before, at the beginning of these four years… I was honestly uncomfortable, but at a point I felt like I came into my own, and that’s when I felt like exploring other options. I became really interested in physical activities, and cheer-leading appealed to me because of the gymnastics aspect. The jocks noticed me now. I was part of the crowd. That crowd of someones that are only someones within the confines of those school walls. But I was someone, and to me, that mattered. I wanted to be liked by the guys I liked. It was all so simple, yet it felt so complicated. Sophomore Year: I was dating this football player, Andrew. We had gotten to second base, which for me felt monumental, I thought that I was in love… I found him and my best friend kissing each other by his pickup truck after a football game that I missed cheering for one night. My best friend was a cheerleader too, so we all knew each other. I had broken my ankle, and I wasn’t able to cheer that night, but she was, and she walked him to his car.. I was waiting on the other side to surprise him after the game. They won that night, but my heart was broken.

Last stop, at least for now. I’m turning eighteen, and am going to be an incoming freshman at a university this fall. My boyfriend and I have been progressing physically fairly fast, and I don’t know what to do when I reach this next step. I know I’m young, but I feel safe with him, but then again, I felt safe with Andrew. He keeps asking me things along the lines about how I feel about having sex with him. Truthfully, I’m unsure. A lot happens in four years, and I’m about to experience a lot more as I start this next four year journey. I know that now I can handle the things that felt so big when I was younger, but everything feels so monumental as you’re approaching it– as you’re experiencing it. I’ve gathered one thing, kisses are just the beginning.

Again guys, this is just another story. This was my response to a story-telling prompt.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s