M.I.A.– missing in action.

Sorry that I have been M.I.A. for so long. I realize that there probably aren’t many of you left waiting for a post, but I write as if I’m speaking to you anyway. I don’t know how I can express what having this blog means to me to be able to go to. I haven’t gone to it for two years though, and I intend on changing that. So much has happened and changed about me in the last two years, and obviously, I won’t be writing everything, but I will reveal some key characters that have popped into my life and some experiences I would like to share with you all.

Two wolves

So if the image I found attached correctly, you will see a picture of a wolf and a short story. That’s the story of the wolves I was talking about in my previous post. I liked stumbling upon this story earlier because it made me reflect on mental health and how its quality can greatly increase or decrease depending on whether you feed our pessimistic or optimistic side. Yes, it is easy to see things more positively when you are happy, and vice versa for anger. We are not perfect humans by any means either, so remembering this story of two wolves may not help when someone has reached a point of no return in regard to regulating their reaction. Although, it is a good story to keep in mind as hopefully a precautionary idea when it comes to dealing with those we love. 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how some people allow themselves to be most cruel to those they love the most, because they don’t fear abandonment of that person. However, that’s a dangerous luxury to get used to, because no matter what relation you have toward someone, you could lose them. So in hindsight, you’d probably regret treaty them horribly. I’ve seen this pattern happen a lot in married couples that I have observed over my lifetime, where one partner will be constantly cold toward the other (not necessarily unreciprocated). It’s a shame to me to see though, because that person may be bound to you in wedlock, but that doesn’t give you permission to treat them negatively and use them as an emotional punching back. 
So, as far as how you treat your loved ones here on out, I challenge you to not look at your relationship with them as never-ending, because there is a certain point of abuse where people must move on for their own emotional health. As far as the wolve story and how it ties in, I suggest you channel the power of that good wolf toward this challenge of appreciating and loving your loved ones.

Let’s get writing 

Dear readers, 

I know it has been a while and I am sorry that I haven’t written sooner. I don’t remember what I even posted last. I’m forgetful of who I was dating at the time, how college was going, and why exactly I bailed on you all for months. I suppose I could go back to my last post and figure out what I told you all, but for now I’m on the mobile version of WordPress and would just like to tell you all that I’m going to attempt to return to you at least every so often, or maybe every other day if I can manage squeezing in time to write. 

The starting of this past year was quite interesting. I broke up with my boyfriend of one year in the fall of 2015, which then landed me talking to the archer again for a short spurt, which resulted in my love life including him when I welcomed the new year. However, shortly after the spring semester of 2016 started, the long distance between him and I wore down, so we called it quits. 

Segue into mid semester a month or two after the archer and I finished, I met someone. It’s not like I hadn’t seen him on campus before, but I hadn’t met him until the middle of the spring. We hung out for a bit and decided to start talking to each other, as he plainly stated to me right away that he was looking for a relationship. After figuring out that we genuinely liked each case others’ personalities, rather than just liking each other for our looks, we started dating. Currently I am still dating this guy and I will call him my gentle giant for the purposes of this blog. He may develop other nick names, but for now, when I say gentle giant that is who I am talking about. 

Now enough about guys, let’s talk about a few other things. As far as personal health, I am working on being more conscious about my emotions and the occasional depression that I may face. I’m trying to learn of ways to cope with it and not let it overcome me and make me lash at those who I love. I read this great short story today and it’s an elder’s tale about the battle between two inner wolves. I will find it and copy it so that you may all read it, and then I will attach it here. 

The semester is about to start and I am excited to get back in the groove of learning about stuff within my major and growing my intellect as I go. Currently, while I still have down-time, I am reading “The Free State of Jones” and I encourage you all to check it out. I’m going to try to finish this based-on-a-true-story book before I go see the movie, so that I have an idea of the backstory  behind it. As far as other exciting things go, I have moved into my new apartment and am loving it. It is certainly an adjustment, but I’m glad to be living off campus before I have to move out into the “real world” and manage living in an apartment while also having a job. 

I’ll talk to you guys later ^~^ 


Today, I’m going to be telling you all a story about manners. I forgot to tell you this, but this incident took place sometime during the summer of 2015 when I was in France. So, up until the day that I was placed in this situation, I didn’t realize how important it was to introduce people when you are the common link between them. No, I’m not talking about setting somehow up with someone else you know. I’m referring to the common courtesy of introducing a guest that goes something like, “Oh, by the way, so and so, this is so and so… so and so, so and so,” and then it’s complete. You have fulfilled your duty of being a decent human being that doesn’t let their guests hang in the balance of “who’s that? I don’t know them yet.”

My host brother forgot this courtesy for some unknown reason. I was over in France, could barely speak a word of French, and we ran into his friends on the streets. Not just one, but like two. But neither of his friends were polite enough to be like “J’mapelle  Pierre,” or something of the sort. Nope, they just started talking to my host-brother in the fastest and most French manner ever. They were throwing around slang and everything. Needless to say, I was lost. So, here I was, an American girl in a foreign country, and you would think my host-brother would be like “Oh, wait, this is my exchange student from America.” Nah, he could give two shits. Those 15 minutes were the most silent 15 minutes of my life, and I was simply dumbfounded at how oblivious he was to the fact that he was isolating me by not introducing me. Believe me, if I had known more French, I would’ve said something, but I was in no place to start up my own introductions, so I stood there in silence because he wasn’t initiating it.

After my silent hell, we proceeded to where we were headed, which was the grocery store. He decided to be like, “So there, now you’ve met some of my friends,” and my mind flashed with snarky remarks to say to him. I ended up saying, “actually, I didn’t meet them,” and I guess something finally clicked at that moment. He was like, “oh, did you want me to introduce you?” and I replied, “well YEA.” and I was done for the day. Honestly, considering how fast he knew what I meant, I’m pretty damn sure it occurred to him during “our” (his) interaction with his friends to introduce me, but he just didn’t want the inconvenience of slowing down the pace of the conversation.

Basically, the point of this story is to reinforce the conviction of anyone who comes across this post to remember the importance of those seemingly-pointless formalities. Because your guest may in fact want to be introduced to your friends.


why cars scare me and make me mad

As humans, we have come a long way during our time on this earth. We have created processed foods with ingredient names that we cannot even usually pronounce anymore. We have started crafting objects and rides to trigger the adrenaline responses hardwired in us that make us feel this extra sense of being “alive”. We have created machines to fly through an atmosphere too high to reach by normal means, and so on. We have created a lot of things that weren’t here when we started– including the automobile. Everyone has one, whether it be a Prius or a Hummer, it’s a machine that can be controlled by a human, but can also harm one greatly if ever in contact with one, or with another car.

So I would like to talk about speeding…. In Driver’s Ed, I was so kindly informed that in the case that I, a permitted driver, were to surpass the speed limit by 15mph, I could be arrested. That’s fine with me as I had/ have no intentions of going any faster than I really need to. Some person wrote on the internet, ” Want to frighten your 16 or 17-year-old this Halloween?  Tell her that if she is charged with speeding more than 15 mph over the speed limit, she’ll be arrested and she’ll lose her license.”  That’s a quote from a source that I looked up to confirm that a permitted driver could get arrested. The other day I was in the car– not driving, I must add, and an adult was driving. This adult got pissed off and proceeded to drive 15mhp over the speed-limit because he was angry… So luckily for him he didn’t crash with me and the other passengers, and he didn’t get his license revoked for the 30 day period that adults get for speeding that much over. Hypocrisy at it’s best, someone who’s told me to stay at the speed limit speeds and then gets offended when I tell him not to. I’m just telling his senior ass that he is not above the law, no matter how old he is.

To those of you out there who speed, why do you do it? and really what’s the point of risking the one life that you and other’s have on this planet just to get somewhere faster, or express your anger by flying off the handle?

Describe your love interest’s eyes without using color:

Almost 3 Years ago, the account of him:

That was the first moment I saw his eyes. I read too much into them, or maybe just enough. It was a summer day, but no sunlight was peering in through the windows of the building. They were positively radiant, because there was something dynamic about the way that you held them. Wide open and willing to explore anything. The luster of them was dazzling, as if they held unmoving shooting stars in either one of them. Those were the sort of eyes you could get lost in, and maybe they would lose themselves in yours. Not only was the inside magnifying, but the way your skin wrapped about them was as well. You would be happy and something magical would occur around the sides that hinted toward your emotions. It was conveyed simply through that mischievous squint. Those were the eyes I fell in love with.


So I flash back to reality. Everyone is around me and still I can’t tell if this is reality. I’m in this new place mentally, emotionally, and physically, and I’m wondering what is good for me. There’s no right or wrong, yet there’s better and worse. That is my problem.
There are too many questions left un-answered and this is where my anxiety lies. I don’t know what my life or the world holds for me. This realization is exciting yet scary at that same time. I’m reading things that I’ve never contemplated the contents of before. However, that is quite justified, seeing that I have never read them before. I don’t know what to tell you all, my mind is blanking on what I’m feeling. I just know that I’m going to be in for something. This is just the beginning of my journey and I have yet to see a great deal.

A question from an advisor

During this integration experience, all of the students at my college have been paired off into groups that are comprised of all of their hall-mates. We were brought to these empty conference or classrooms, and there was this professor that served as an advisor for all of us incoming freshman. This woman was trying to facilitate discussion among the 40 of us, and most people were quiet and mumbly. 

  This strange crowd induced handicap prompted our advisor to ask us a question. She was wondering why our generation was so afraid to speak up among its peers. She was wondering why when we’d speak, we’d be quiet, or no one would speak. Well, the answer was apparent among us all, and it had to do with how our generation treats each other. Most will make a side comment if you say something incorrect, or if you keep talking, they will talk amongst themselves. This generation is full of snapchat, yik yak, and instagram, and all of these platforms with which we can share our new ‘friend’s’ ugly expression, or a video of something they’re doing while they aren’t noticing we’re filming, or any anonymous comment about how stupid they are. We are asked to answer questions around these people who may do these things. Honestly, our generation doesn’t respect the vulnerability that someone allows to share their thoughts about something within a group of 40 strangers. Instead, there are side comments, and that is all that those people commenting say within that room, they don’t put themselves in that same situation the person who they criticized did.

     So some may say “well then that person shouldn’t speak up and put themselves in that situation, of course people are going to be mean and judgmental”. The result of that advice is the cause of this instance in which a professor had to ask why no one seemed to speak up. Because, they feel like they may as well not be stuck in that situation with judgmental peers.

The mentality that may carry over

Hello all,
   I promised that I would write some posts for you while I’m in college, and college classes officially start this next week for me, so I thought now would be a good time to tell you all how my integration this first weekend has been so far, and my observations.

   Many people come to college full of possibility, while others are full of confusion, and some are just there because that’s what you’re supposed to do, or because that’s the ticket to ‘freedom’, this elusive concept we chase. Freedom means different things to different people. To some, freedom is living in my country. To the country’s adolescent habitants… Not so much. To my generation, freedom is to escape this ideal of ourselves that our parents have tried so hard to force us, or at least influence us to be. For some of my future fellow classmates, this is the releasing of a very strong dam, and the water in that dam holds many questionable desires, and experiences they have yet to be given the permission to explore. Depending on the person, this opportunity can be good and bad, it depends on the person experiencing it, and the people who may judge it. Some people may accompany their high school friends to the college that I’m attending this year, and they’ll feel comfortable. They know people, maybe a lot of people. To them, this may feel like an unencumbered version of high school where the childhood dream comes true– to basically live next to all of your closest friends. There is nothing wrong with a safety net, or something comfortable, but I feel like this is a protective bubble around their college experience. To stay in the role that we’ve become accustomed to playing is an easy task. We’ve identified with that role. Some may be the high school cheerleaders, jocks, hipsters, cool people, nerds, or the alternative styled people. Regardless of our role, in college, there are so many people that used to occupy that same role, but in their own little world. Your role is no longer something that places you on this pedestal for adoration, but rather serves as a common ground between you and the others who used to share that path, or still do. In college, there is but one task that seems to be completed by the end. It’s not really a task even, but maybe a process that happens to few, or to many. It’s this grand experiment that takes away all boundaries (legal boundaries not included of course, but even then there are temptations for some). Within this experience is that process I was referring to, and it may be finding yourself. It doesn’t matter to anyone if you we’re popular in high school, there’s no way to be the ‘most popular one’ among thousands. To deviate from our role, but remain true to ourselves is a difficult task. I can only imagine how hard it is to shed this identity that you’ve had for 4 years of high school, only to have a clean slate in college.

   My experience was different in high school. I’ve been homeschooled most of my life, public schooled for some of my beginning years, and then halfway through high school I went to the community college in my area for classes instead, because I was able to. I don’t have high school friends that I’m following, or who are following me, to college. I barely know a soul here, other than those who I’ve had to reach out to. So far, I can spot those in a crowd who have known each other for a long time, and who are not deviating from their ‘squad’ and I can’t help but think they’re missing this interesting part of the college experience. It’s intimidating to go to a place where you have no friends, and you have to show others who you are. Most people don’t make rude side comments to their new acquaintances about somebody else in the room. Those are habits that yes, some people have life long and it doesn’t matter their schooling or circumstance, but it baffles me that I’ve seen how little tact most of these groups of friends have.

   I recognize that there are bullies in every walk of life, and in every circumstance, but it’s just a shame to me that these new young adults are treating strangers with such disrespect because they are coddled by the comfort of accompanying their peers into this intimidating experience.

College bound

It’s strange to think that tomorrow I’ll be heading to my college to move in. I’m going to drive up to the place I will be living for the next four years bright and early. It was an unimaginable concept just years ago that I’d move into a dorm and would not be living with my parents anymore. I’m scared, but excited, nervous, and at the same time confident. I don’t know what this journey will hold for me in the end. Many people switch their majors, and many people have life changing experiences in college. I’m confident that this is the right choice for me. It just doesn’t feel real.  I’m used to staying close to home. Being in France was a stretch for me, I was relieved to be home. Hopefully I find my college to be a home away from home, I’m sure I will. Right now though, that seems far gone. I absolutely adore the college that I chose, and the location that it is in. I can’t wait to spend all of the seasons on my campus and see it transform. I can’t wait to become friends with my hall-mates, and I can’t wait to experience what it’s like at a four-year university. I’m excited about this next chapter of my life, and I can’t wait to see how it all plays out. I will try to post as much as I can (I know that I always say that, but I mean it) during the semesters, and definitely over breaks.