Archer series: How I met the archer

The story of the archer. It was a lonely day of single-dom, I was hanging out in the basketball courts trying to shoot hoops with my sister and friend. There was a guy that i had just met, well not met exactly, but anyways, he showed up that day at the courts, and came up to me, following the archer. The guy i met, i hadn’t exactly met. He got my number from my sister’s boyfriend’s phone, and started texting me, but i hadn’t seen his face. We talked, and he seemed pretty cool, i felt as though i was doing most of the effort though. So when i first saw texting boy, he barely compared to the taller, and sweeter looking, archer. The archer had a sparkle in his eyes. Texter boy just seemed a bit cocky. So i decided, that i would actually flirt back with the boys today. In my opinion though, i’m not sure it came off as flirting, because I’m not sure of how good a flirt i am. So i kind of dismissed liking texting boy, and set my eyes on the archer. he’s not an actual archer, by the way. So the archer asked my sister, my friend, and i, if we wanted to play a game of 3 on 3, but we declined. Then, the other two guys left, and he asked again. This time though, it would be 3 on 1, him being the one (because we told him we weren’t very good… because honestly, we weren’t). We accepted, and i was impressed by how well he moved. He definitely wasn’t shy when playing, he knew he was good, but not in a way that was too cocky, unlike how texting boy seemed. So we played with archer, and he won. Keep in mind, he was a one person team against 3 of us. I enjoyed playing with him though, especially when i could get closer by guarding him haha. Soon enough, it came time for us to leave :/

I gathered up my stuff, and then i turned around and walked up to him and said something like “my name is ___, what is yours?” and then he replied “archer (he actually didn’t say archer, but that’s the name i’m going by to keep him anonymous) and i think, if i remember correctly, he reached out to shake my hand. i had a kind of stumbly reaction because i had stuff in my hands, and couldn’t use the correct hand. But nonetheless, i shook his hand, and i think with that i left. Apparently my friend said that she saw him check me out, or like bite his lip, when i turned my back to him and was leaving. I guess you could say, that i was hooked. I wasn’t quite sure that she was right with her observation, though, , because i thought “it would be cool if she was right, but why would someone as good looking as him be into me, she probably saw wrong” but, she didn’t.

airy

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How I see it

How is see it, is that if someone has the chance, they’ll go back to what they’re comfortable with. Comfort can be: a place you lived a long time, the way it felt to have a drink in your hand (for an alcoholic), being young and carefree again, or getting back into an old relationship (which most of us easily fall back into).

A young college student may go off to college for their freshman year super excited. Once they’ve gone through a few months of living on their own, though, they may want of just run back home. They’ll go back to where they’re comfortable. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to like something because it’s comfortable, but sometimes it may not be the best option. How do we expect to grow if we live life completely in our comfort zone? We’ll never experience anything, or mature, if we’re all still living with our parents, after we get a glimpse of the real world.

My brother dated this girl for a while, and I’m not claiming that he was comfortable with her– wait actually, yes, he was comfortable with her. But you see, she broke up with him. Her reasons, are unknown to me. Though, what I do know, is that he still goes over to her house, on occasion, to feel that comfort. Which he claims is them being ‘friends,’ which I kind of doubt. I’m not saying you can’t be friends with your ex. What I am is saying though, is that if you still have feelings for your ex, something may not be happening between the two of you, but you still are cultivating your feelings for them.

One of the many beauties of life is that we have the capacity to move on. For death, it is called grieving. Though we don’t like to admit it, we do move on after a person’s death. It’s not like we don’t miss them, it’s just that we have gone through the motions and have realized that life can carry on. It’s the same thing with a break up. Sure, it does suck during those first few weeks of loneliness, but that’s just the hardest part. Once you get over them, it gets easier, and life goes on. But sometimes, during this ‘grieving’ stage, an ex may come and ask for your forgiveness, and for you to ‘take them back.’ This is what we call the “on again, off again” couple, because they are always flip flopping in and out of the same relationship. In some cases, they possibly should stay in the relationship, but only if their breakups are because of outside conflicts. However, if a couple goes through this more than 3 times maybe, I might just consider them dysfunctional. Dys, I would imagine, means doesn’t. And functional, means to work. So this couple, I hear by declare, should just face it, they don’t work together.

That point brings me to the main idea of this thought. If you are in your “on again, off again” relationship because you’re comfortable, you probably should just breakup. Because, like I said earlier, if we all stay in our comfort zones, we will never be able to grow and experience new things (i.e. relationships).

So, if you are consistently having trouble with a relationship, why not just break up with the person? After all, you may feel a sense of freedom, and you would have the opportunity to develop a different, and possibly more healthy, relationship.

airy

Progression of relationships

So I decided I’m going to write another post about something related to relationships. I feel like as we mature we go from our “only friendships” stage in kindergarten and grade school, to the throughout middle school and high school stage, where we reach the “I kind of like you” stage, or the “lets make out” stage. I’m not saying everybody goes through those certain stages at those times, but it seems like it usually happens in those ranges. During the middle school stage it’s usually the prettynesss of “oh, does he like me????” Or somebody saying “he’d never go out with me” followed by “yeah he would, you’re awesome.” First of all, why do middle schoolers need to date? Personally, I think they are to young to date, maybe like each other. But when these middle schoolers are dating someone and tell their kids about their first kiss, won’t it sound strange when they say “I had my first kiss at 12, it was so amazing,” the odds are, if you are kissing a 12 year old boy, he probably won’t know what he’s doing, boys mature slower than us… especially in those ages. In high school, we, as people, might advance in our intelligence, but we are all fairly inexperienced in relationships. Yes, some of us may have long, lasting relationships throughout highschool, and may develop faster than others, some of us will have a stage where we go through many boyfriends and girlfriends (depending on your gender), and those who do have a lot of relationships might think they are an expert. But if somebody is so good at relationships, then why can’t they keep one going for longer than a few weeks? The long high school relationships may end up having you be “high school sweethearts” as people like to call it, or you’ll end up breaking up. Sadly, there are only a few ways a relationship can go, and the prospects of marrying this person, or breaking up with them, are both scary, but if you think about it, that’s the only way. The relationship either progresses, or ends; or in cases where you don’t want marriage, it stays in a maybe emotionally progressing way, but the relationship doesn’t progress as much, because there is no where you want to go from there. Once you get into college you are still at the “it’s still to early to marry anyone” stage (I’m saying that usually that seems to be the case, i realize it depends on what stage you are in life…). So in college you are not sure how to answer the questions your parents may have about marriage, and your relationships can still be somewhat “light” and not too serious, so there are less reasons to fight with your significant other (even though everyone seems to find other reasons to).

Once you get to the end of college/out of college and onto a job, you usually figure out if you want to be married, if you want to have kids, and if you are ready to get engaged. Not that you can rush those things, and necessarily make them happen when you want to, but hopefully you’ll have a good idea of what you want when you’re that age. Also, men (I’m not saying women can’t do this) but men usually seem to decide if they want to break up with (not always), or propose to their girlfriend at this stage. Or, as some others would choose, they turn it into the “ask their girlfriend to move in with them” stage. Now I’m not saying that every girl wouldn’t do this, and that all men do it for these reasons, but as some older women have begrudgingly pointed out to me, they don’t like the idea of it because it’s only good for the man. in a movie I watched once, called “act like a lady, think like a man” they brought up a point that supported this theory, if you are in a relationship with a man, and you move in with him, he most likely won’t propose to you! He figures he has you living with him, and that’s what marriage is like, what’s the reason for the ring? Which in my opinion is selfish, because the ring (I know it’s just a ring), but the ring, symbolizes commitment, and you get married because of it, and then people don’t talk about you like you’re a slut for moving in with your boyfriend. I guess they just think that because its like a switch in their mind automatically goes to “oh my gosh, they are so sleeping with each other!” Even though, don’t they suppose people do that even if they aren’t already in the same house? (Depending on the people of course). Ok, so I’ve kind of gotten of topic, or more like of course from what my point is. So once a couple gets married, they have the freedom that couples with kids don’t have. They can do it whenever they want (of course with the acception of work, and when they want to) but they have the option to not have to worry about being interrupted by their kids needing them, or possibly walking in on them.

The newlyweds also can go on two people vacations and trips, which is easier than having to be in charge of kids having to go pee, making sure they have their stuff, and also making sure you don’t forget them. But that’s probably the first experience that couples have, which makes them grow, not only as a person, but as a couple. They have to figure out how to deal with this person on the road for a long time, and possibly being tired, as well as thinking “who drives?” Or “who will be in charge of looking up the directions?” And etc. although couples may be able to work through these trips, possibly with ease, or possibly not, but try adding kids to the equation. This seems to be the perfect formula for fights, frustration, and an annoying first few days on a trip.

I’ve noticed that long car trips turn people into stress puppies, and I think if married couples with kids take to a lot of these trips, they start to focus on the bad traveling attitudes of their spouse, and end up expecting the worst. My point is (I guess I’m an optimist, considering I haven’t gone through this yet) I feel like, if you expect the worst to happen, it most likely will; if you expect it to turn out ok, you will be less stressed because you won’t be focusing on the bad.

I realize I may be wrong about some of these points, and may have the wrong ideas. But these are just some of my thoughts.

airy

Long term relationships?

I know this probably isn’t a very serious matter or anything of importance, but I’ve always wondered…
What do couples (that have been together for a long time, like years) do if they have broken up and gotten back together, how do they determine how much time they should consider themselves as a net worth of time as a couple? An example is in ‘how I met your mother,’ a show that I enjoy watching. Spoiler alert, Lilly and Marshall are together for a long time and end up marrying, but not without a gap, they break up for about two or three months, but in the plot, they were dating for 9 whole years before that happened, so when they get back together should they add the nine years to the new time that they are back together, and (in lack of a better expression) ‘mind the gap’ and just erase that out of their history, and just not count it? I mean, yes, they were together for 9 entire years, but if they breakup, and then get back together, should they still be able to hold their pride and say without guilt, the number they have been together, minus the gap? It seems to be a pretty petty thing to worry about I guess, but one time I was on vacation, and I was talking to this old couple. They were adorable, they had been together since they first started dating all the way back to when the lady was 13 and the guy was 16, and they went on to marry each other. They were somewhere in their seventies when they were telling me about this, and I don’t recall, but I think they had told me a net amount of how long the had been together, like 50 something years or more. But now I’m wondering, did they ever break up during that? Do couples that spend a long time together and break up a few times but get back together still just count the overall time dating that person? I probably would count overall time, but not having been in a very long term relationship I guess I just don’t know yet, I just can’t help but thinking that I would be somebody to say “we have been together for 15 years 🙂 but we have known each other for 17, and didn’t start dating till we knew each other for a year…. And then we broke up after two years, for about six months, then got back together…. then four years later we broke up for another six months (the math of that is 6 years together so far I think) and we got back together and have been going strong ever since for 9 years…..” But what about if one person in the couple dates someone during the time they aren’t dating their eventual long term partner that they claim to have had this long relationship with, what then? A quote from my sister “I love you, I just need to see what I’m like when I’m not with you, i need some time to find myself (and sleep with/date other people)” bam! The adroableness of the ‘long term’ relationship is crushed, so I guess maybe sticking with the time since they have gotten back together after the last breakup with each other would be best….

airy