Let’s get writing

Dear readers, 

I know it has been a while and I am sorry that I haven’t written sooner. I don’t remember what I even posted last. I’m forgetful of who I was dating at the time, how college was going, and why exactly I bailed on you all for months. I suppose I could go back to my last post and figure out what I told you all, but for now I’m on the mobile version of WordPress and would just like to tell you all that I’m going to attempt to return to you at least every so often, or maybe every other day if I can manage squeezing in time to write. 

The starting of this past year was quite interesting. I broke up with my boyfriend of one year in the fall of 2015, which then landed me talking to the archer again for a short spurt, which resulted in my love life including him when I welcomed the new year. However, shortly after the spring semester of 2016 started, the long distance between him and I wore down, so we called it quits. 

Segue into mid semester a month or two after the archer and I finished, I met someone. It’s not like I hadn’t seen him on campus before, but I hadn’t met him until the middle of the spring. We hung out for a bit and decided to start talking to each other, as he plainly stated to me right away that he was looking for a relationship. After figuring out that we genuinely liked each case others’ personalities, rather than just liking each other for our looks, we started dating. Currently I am still dating this guy and I will call him my gentle giant for the purposes of this blog. He may develop other nick names, but for now, when I say gentle giant that is who I am talking about. 

Now enough about guys, let’s talk about a few other things. As far as personal health, I am working on being more conscious about my emotions and the occasional depression that I may face. I’m trying to learn of ways to cope with it and not let it overcome me and make me lash at those who I love. I read this great short story today and it’s an elder’s tale about the battle between two inner wolves. I will find it and copy it so that you may all read it, and then I will attach it here. 

The semester is about to start and I am excited to get back in the groove of learning about stuff within my major and growing my intellect as I go. Currently, while I still have down-time, I am reading “The Free State of Jones” and I encourage you all to check it out. I’m going to try to finish this based-on-a-true-story book before I go see the movie, so that I have an idea of the backstory  behind it. As far as other exciting things go, I have moved into my new apartment and am loving it. It is certainly an adjustment, but I’m glad to be living off campus before I have to move out into the “real world” and manage living in an apartment while also having a job. 

I’ll talk to you guys later ^~^ 

Why do we date?

Why do we date? I know why I date, do you know why you do? Is it a way to pass time? Feel loved? Or possibly, is it to find who best suits you? Someone who makes you feel loved, and that even when the time passes, it’s been well spent. Someone who you can picture yourself with down the line. It’s not a way to waste time in my opinion; it’s to find that person out there that is not necessarily made for me, but I guess I would say perfectly in sync with me and the oddities I possess. Someone who I don’t have to be guarded around. Who thinks like I do. I like it when my type of affection is mimicked back to me. I like it that when I kiss him with a quick peck, he kisses me back in kind. When I rest my forehead against his, that’s what he was going to do to as well. Someone where the chemistry isn’t forced. It’s exciting. And when someone can get me and like truly understand me, that’s what makes me feel loved. That’s why I date, to find that. To find that type of connection and chemistry.

still numb

So recently the archer and I had gotten back together (if you hadn’t gathered that, or if I haven’t stated it already). I was having doubts about whether or not our relationship had substance, which I’m pretty sure it does. But, I learned some interesting things by voicing my doubts to him. I also asked him question that led him to ask me “wait, do you think you’re depressed?” And then I answered affirmatively. He said that I should probably go to a doctor to see if I am, and he also mentioned a book that he had read before that he thought would help. Then, he referenced the way that I think (the fact that I always deeply think about things) and said that it would especially be a good book for me probably because of that. So, he kind of proved to me that he knew something that I wasn’t even consciously aware of him knowing. Sometimes I feel like I don’t actually give people credit for things and I usually end up freaking out because I’m a little bit distracted. Now, I’m relieved that I finally talked to him and have sorted out those thoughts. But I still sort of feel numb. Like numb to some feelings. I think maybe I should go with his suggestion and see if there is possibly an underlying reason to why I’ve been feeling the way I do lately.

The guy

So, I think I told you all, my sister’s boyfriend was planning on having me meet one of his friends. Yesterday, that’s what happened. I only had a few minutes to talk to this guy, because I had to leave soon. It was a shame that we didn’t get to talk that much, he was nervous, so he didn’t really say much, and then he wasn’t able to stay inside the place I was, so that complicated things. Here is my overview of everything about him though: He is beyond adorable. He’s taller than me, definitely not hard with me being just a bit more than five feet, but I appreciate a good height difference. He is like 5′ 11″ ish I would say. His eyes, could kill. They are “O M G!” Worthy. They are so perfectly colored, like rare lookng marbles or something. His smile; so cute. I was kind of disappointed though, since because he was nervous, I thought he seemed a little uninterested. But, my sister’s boyfriend later told me that it was he because he didn’t want to mess up, and that he thought he blew it or something. Anyways, we are probably going to arrange for us to be able to meet again, hopefully this time for longer. Admittedly, I was nervous too, but it wasn’t the kind of nervous he was. He was nervous to where he could only really respond to questions, but didn’t know what to ask or talk about. My nervousness, was shakiness. He couldn’t see I think, but I felt worse than a chihuahua out in the winter time. I managed to say things though, so hopefully he enjoyed the impression I gave him. Because he’s really cute, and I’d like to possibly have a chance with him 😉

Nostalgic for smells

So, earlier today, after my workout, I was taking a shower. After I popped open the lid of my shampoo, I had a remembrance of the same scent, but from the past. My shampoo is coconut scented; and it’s smell is along the lines of the same scent of a my little pony I used to own, from when I was like ten years old. It was kind of strange, smelling my shampoo and thinking of a plastic toy pony. One certain moment of playing with that toy also pops up in my head every time I think of it. I had played with it many times, but that time, for some odd reason, stuck out to me. Anyways, now that I’m sitting here writing this, it has made me aware of other scents, or times, of nostalgia I’ve experienced.
The scent of the air on a fall day. The sense of wonder about relationships with boys, and the days when the idea of it felt intangible. How I felt when I met the archer for the first time. How I felt when I felt something for the archer the first time. Now, even though it’s not that far in the past, the way I felt when I met and talked to Dominco for the first time. How I felt just the other day, when I would pause, thinking “is this when we’ll kiss?”
Memories and nostalgia are a wonderful thing. I like to try and look back on my memories and not be sad that they are memories, but be happy that they happened. I don’t want good times to have to become memories, but that’s what life is; It is a compilation of memories. You have a set duration of time, that you remain unaware of from the day you’re born, until the day you die. I think that the point of life, is to love to your full extent, and to really make your mark in people’s hearts. In order to live a fulfilling life, in my opinion, is to be remembered in a substantial way. To be remembered for a special thing that you do. Maybe I will write a book, maybe I could be a motivational speaker, or maybe I could create something new. I don’t know what my life’s purpose is yet, but I know I want to leave this world having meant something. I want to make my mark, in the chaos of life.
Maybe my mark could be to one person. To mean the world to one person, could possibly make me, mean something to the world in it all.

May I have your attention please?

So readers, as you all have probably gathered from the last few posts including the names “Mr. Puff” and “Dominico”, I am a very confused person when it comes to deciding what I want. 

Well, possibly to your surprise, I have finally decided. But, let me tell you first how my past non-blogging days (or week?) have been. Each day I switched back and forth on whether it was Dominco or Mr. Puff, I even got my parents involved, so they knew what was going on. Since you all don’t know me personally, let me tell you that that’s not a frequent thing. I try to avoid talking about my guy interests with my parents until I can tell them that the guy I like, is already my boyfriend. In this case though, I needed opinions. 

It was like I had two references:

the first one… 

Dominoco Hot Voice

special skills: I can talk non-stop (even at first meeting), I’m very tall, I have an accent, I’m a good person who walks my puppy at least once a day, and I know three languages in total. I also get good grades. 

References: Your sister’s boyfriend, who dare I say is a great judge of character 😉

Hobbies: Basketball player, and spending time with family. 

(info taken away from the first meeting– ever)

the second one…

Mr. Puff Smile

Special skills: I don’t talk about raunchy things like most guys, I have a nice smile, I help my parents make dinner, I workout. 

References: personal interaction with the reader of this resume

Hobbies: Trumpet and my own business. 

(two years or more accumulative info) 

Disclaimer: THESE ARE FAKE RESUMES THAT I CAME UP WITH FOR EACH ONE OF THE BOYS. THEY WERE NOT PERSONALLY SUBMITTED.

But anyways… Both of them have perfect credentials in my opinion. So I asked my parents “If you were to interview two people, and both interviews went well, both of them perfect for the job; who would you choose? Would you choose the one you know personally is a good person, or would you go with the instinct of a reliable source that says this one is a very good person and is better than the other?”  They told me what I would’ve told anyone else though *sigh* they said ” I would go with the one you like more.” my head just ached at the thought of making this decision for myself. I honestly liked both options, and didn’t want to turn either down. 

Yet, here I am, telling you, that I did it. I made the decision. The other day, Dominico came over to my house. He did something that I think is absolutely wonderful… he actually had a conversation with me, he was actually getting to know me and telling me about himself as well. I’m not saying that Mr. Puff wouldn’t do that, but here Dominico was, unscripted and everything; he asked me questions, and I didn’t even request a question game or anything… We just talked 🙂 Until later that is 😉 now now now, don’t get to excited. 

So Dominico and I decided it would be best to take our conversation outside, on a swing, for a breath of fresh air if you will ;P Eventually, I ended up moving over closer to him, to the point where we were sitting with his arm around my shoulder, and my head nuzzled against the side of his peck 😉

I think Dominico wasn’t sure that I liked him though, because he had to get a second party to tell him to go for it. That second party, was his reference, my sister’s boyfriend. Her boyfriend said to him, in Spanish “kiss her, she likes you! make your move!!” lol. 

This was true, I did like him. I was enjoying my time with him, and I wanted him to kiss me. So it took about another hour of us sitting on the couch, inside now, and he asked me if I liked him, what I would say if he asked me to go out with him, and then if I would go out with him. All of my answers were “yes,” haha. So then, once he had ‘asked me out’, he kissed me :D!!! I was thinking in my head “finally!” haha. I thought I was going to have to go in for a kiss, but no 😉 

So, now you all know, I have chosen Dominico. He’s my tall, dark, handsome, and exotic guy ;3

Boyfriends

Boyfriends. Do we really need them? Honestly, probably not, but they surely do make life more… Interesting. Knowing that there’s someone, who you’re paired off with, in this world that has gotten so accustomed to pairing off; finally, you’re in one of the beloved pairs! (Not necessarily for life, but for a little while). Now I know that being in a relationship doesn’t make you any more, or less, of a person. I don’t even know what age I think it’s good to get in a relationship, or to be at least open to starting one, because I guess I think it depends on each individual person. In my opinion, relationships are pretty fun. I like to be a serious person, but I also like to have someone that I can be silly with, and weird around, and that likes me for me. I know you can get that from a best friend, or like someone who doesn’t necessarily have to fit the description of a physically involved partner. But, it’s surely more fun when those silly moments, can lead to a kiss, and make that moment feel that little extra bit of fun. I know you’re probably thinking something like “Hello! Being in a relationship, and kissing people isn’t what life is all about!” I definitely realize that, I’m just describing my thoughts of being in relationships. I do feel like its important to not become obsessed with being in relationships though, because that’s not healthy; and being single for a while does help you realize that having another person liking you that way, is not a factor of survival, and that you can be strong on your own. So now that that is clear, I’ll try to redirect back what I was trying to say. They can be a fun thing, and they can be a hard thing.
Hmm… Now I’ve kind of forgotten what I was getting at…
Ahh, yes! I remember; I was getting to my thoughts of affection. I feel like one of my most favorite things about relationships is cuddling, and just hugging that special person. I just helps to reaffirm (in my opinion) the way you care about each other. Having special time with a special person is the best, it makes me so happy. About a week or two ago, I was hanging out with my boyfriend at my house. I hadn’t seen him for about almost two weeks. I didn’t realize, until after we hugged, how much I had missed him, and just craved the feeling of being close to him, and being able to touch him. The rest of our time hanging out was very enjoyable; I was just flooded with happy emotion. Seeing him after a while of not being able to, just filled my happiness and love tank, to an all time high. I was over come with happy feelings for him. In my opinion, although it was a fairly short amount of time in retrospect, it felt like forever for our budding relationship. The length of our relationship now could probably be compared to a little sprout of a relationship, much more developed than a seed, but not necessarily a tree. We’ve been going out for almost two months now, and I really enjoy his company, and talking to him. He was a guy that I had a crush on for a while, and then when he said that he wanted me to be his girl ever since he saw me, it made my day. What makes me amazed though, is how different relationships can be with each person you date. In the grand scheme of things, I look at this relationship as my first serious, and notable relationship. I was sort of the girlfriend of a guy before the archer, and it lasted for longer than the archer and I have been going out, but it was far less of a relationship. In three months, I had allowed him to only kiss me twice. I didn’t want to kiss him, and sadly only realized that after I had already agreed to being his girlfriend. I would make excuses not to kiss him, and he just accepted it. He didn’t try to make any emotional connection by deeply talking to me at all, and I felt bored when I talked to him, because I tended to keep the conversation going. He would only complain about his little siblings, and then it just just became annoying because when I would try to talk about something I wanted to speak about (granted the one thing I’m thinking of is an intellectual discussion) he just would shrug it off and not even humor me. To me, I had been talking to this guy for two years as friends (fb friends) and we had good conversations, but when I agreed to being his girlfriend, he seemed to not care what I had to say anymore. I have the capacity to like personalities, where they can be more attractive than looks, and I had thought his personality (his online one that is) seemed nice. He wasn’t very attractive, and I could tell that from his pictures, but I was attached to the personality. So I went out with him. When I realized that both aspects weren’t good… I broke up with him… Over text nonetheless. Lets just say, I wanted it to be over, and over soon. I know it’s not considerate to break up over text, but it felt like there wasn’t a better way. Because I wanted to make sure to end it, and I hadn’t seen him for like the last third of our relationship, so it’s not like I could arrange a time to see him, and I didn’t want to have to wait long. We never had even hung out anywhere other than our one meeting spot (a public facility). He didn’t come over to my house the entire three months, and honestly, I didn’t want him to.
Now my current boyfriend (code name, the archer): Let’s just say, we beat the kissing record of my last relationship, in the first day. We had talked a bit before we got together, on fb, and had talked in person before he found my Facebook, so it’s not like I jumped into it. I was glad to know that he is definitely a way better kisser than the first guy. I had convinced myself that kissing didn’t have it have fireworks for the fist guy, or like that it was probably overrated and that that was why it sucked with me and the first guy. Nope, I was just making excuses for his horrible kissing. Because according to him, I was good. In my book though, he was not, and it made me feel uncomfortable to kiss him. He was my first kiss though. With my archer though, kissing feels right, and has an even more powerful affect when we don’t get to do it for the length of just a few days. I’m glad to have found my arch, because we definitely have a connection. He makes me happy, and I miss him when I’m not with him. That was completely not the case with the other guy. I just didn’t know that relationships could be this affecting to your moods. I guess it’s just what happens though when you like someone, and start to get attached to them.
I can honestly say, I’ve never felt this way before, and am excited to see what the future holds for me and my archer.

Archer series: thank you, SS

This is the part of the story where SS comes in, you thought that i was finished with the story? because of what happened? well, think again, dear readers, for i guess fate had a plan. i will try to keep the SS part short, for it doesn’t matter anymore. As i told you, i was kind of into him for flirting, but one day, he took it a step further and asked for my number. I gave it to him, and a week went by, and he didn’t text. I know what you’re thinking “what a jerk, a whole week? he asked for your number” well, maybe that’s what i was thinking, but anyways. SS and i eventually ran into each other again, and after hanging out for about 30mins i brought it up and asked “did you ever text me?” and he said “yeah, i said hey and i got like one reply” and then i said “oh, well, i think i gave you the wrong number.” he laughed it off, with his ego a little bit shot i think, and then i gave him the correct number. This time, double-checking. so i texted SS for about a week or two, and i thought he was pretty fun, we even shared a peck on the lips eventually, but then he started texting less, and asked me randomly one day “does your sister go out with anyone?” This shocked me, because i was thinking that he liked me, and i said “yea.. why?” and then he said “because i need someone to go out with :(.” I was very confused, i had thought that he was eventually leading up to going out with me, but then he said something that made his actions make sense “well my brother likes you.” His brother, dear readers, is the archer. I was honestly thrilled to hear this, even though i felt bad about leading on somebody, not to mention, the archer’s brother. But alas, he was like “well i want to do something nice for my brother. And he talks sweetly about you all the time. He likes you more than i do.” He didn’t say all of that at once, but that is what he basically said the rest of the time, just summarized. I was still slightly skeptical, because why wouldn’t his brother have approached me about this before? I hadn’t noticed that the archer liked me this whole time. So, he said “hit him up on Facebook”  and with that i waited the ‘appropriate amount of time,’ in my opinion (about 30mins) to go to his bother’s Facebook page, which I was well aware of finding already, as I had looked him up before. So with that, i waited and added him. After that, I said “hey” and then he replied “hey beautiful”

If it weren’t for SS, i wouldn’t have started talking to his brother, the archer.

On that same day, one of my long time texting pals had also asked me if i would go to the movies, and with just the hope of being with the archer looming in my mind, i said “if it’s as a date, it’s a no, because i kind of like someone.” I definitely was still interested in the archer.

–airy

Archer series: I couldn’t have been more blind than I was on this day

So now it had been a few times that i had run into archer, and i was definitely into him. But, he didn’t show up for a while, so i had started loosing hope in crushing on him, to the point where i started checking out other options. I didn’t admit to anyone though, that the archer was secretly at the top of my list of who i had a crush on, and would go out with. But the archer didn’t show for a while, and another, younger, option presented himself. He came into conversation with us with a very original line, sadly, so original that i won’t be sharing it, as to keep this anonymous. So we met him, and he kind of resemble the archer, but i didn’t take much note of it.

So, with my wandering Gemini tendencies, I thought, “well maybe the archer is busy with someone else, and that’s why he hasn’t shown, it wouldn’t hurt to try to not stay hung up on him.” I thought about this other option, but he was too immature for my liking, and was ranked as a “flirting buddy” in my eyes.

Eventually, the archer returns, for the part of the story where i had sort of dropped thoughts of him (resulting from allegations against him that i’m not going to disclose, as i later figured out were lies, which i suspected they were all along). So, being very good at changing visible tracks of who i was going after (even though i was, after all , still hung up on him) i was surprised to see the archer back, and ready to mingle, with me. I had no clue that he was flirting with me, because i dismissed looking for any signs of him liking me, because now, he seemed like a “bad boy” to our group. But to me, i couldn’t help but not believe the things that were said, because i felt like he was still a truly good person. Nonetheless, the thoughts of our group swayed my flirt-radar, and he was trying to flirt that night. He came to where i went after we played basketball, and he participated in what i was doing, and he brought two friends. One of them, wasn’t that great looking, and i thought he was in a relationship. The other, earring guy, looked good, so i tried my hand at flirting with him. Little did i know, archer was the whole ring leader of this operation because he came to flirt with me. I ended up taking a small talking break from what i was doing, and as a result of playing the field, i asked them all what their names were. So then later that evening, the archer and his friends went off to the pool, not forgetting to invite us first. But, we said no, because we didn’t have our swimsuits. He ended up asking me later, after they returned from the pool, if i wanted to play rackquet ball, but being stupid, and distracted with what i was doing, i declined his obvious attempts to hang out with me further. Then before he left, and even though i had (unintentionally) declined all his advances, he waved goodbye as he headed up the stairs. If i hadn’t heard the one thing that i heard about him, that could’ve been the start of our relationship. Or at least me asking for his number. Because before i heard what i heard, i was planning on asking for his number.

–airy

Archer series: seeing him, part 1 and 2

Part 1: This time, the archer came up and was asking my twin and i questions about what grade we were in, and what school we went to. Along with everyone else that asked the question of our school, he seemed sort of disappointed when i told him that i’m home schooled. He kept talking, asking questions about what it’s like being a twin, and we played basketball as well, so we weren’t able to have a lengthy conversation or anything. It came time that i had to move onto my next activity at the gym, so i told him where i would be, and left. I don’t think i recall seeing him much for the rest of that day, except when he went up the stairs to leave.

Part 2: The second time i saw him after we met, he was wearing this Uber hot, pink shirt, with the sleeves cut off 😉 it went so well with his skin color (black). It made me kind of intimidated again with the thoughts of “he is way too hot to possibly like me.”  He was kind of quiet and pouty that day, i was tempted to just go up and give him a hug, but i didn’t because i didn’t know him that well yet. So he and i didn’t say much to each other that day, but i definitely noticed him.

Added note: there was this guy that i met sometime, i think it was in between the times that i saw the archer, but yeah, he’s part of the story too. his name will be SS.

–airy